Misintent : Hazing Students | Mental Health

Notice:  This piece was selected for publishing as an open opinion piece by an unaffiliated contributor.


How is what YOU do, in any way similar to fraternity/sorority HAZING? Before you say “in NO way!”…stop and reflect a little.

I know, not all fraternity “hazing” ends in death, though it is now illegal in California. But no matter how benign it seems, having to jump a lot of hurdles in order to GAIN ACCESS, is a problem for people seeking mental health treatment…or even getting the listening ear of a friend or parent.

Can we prevent the emotional/social pain sometimes inflicted on someone SEEKING ACCESS? Getting access to faith-based or mental health services, to school counselors, to peers or even distracted parents, can sometimes feel like “hazing”…the things we are asked to do, the price we are asked to pay.

How bad does someone want or need access? To what extent are hurdles placed in the way to find out “how high they will jump”? Some people “do what they are told”…are they considered fools (even by those whose services they seek) for not knowing when to stop seeking?

This Atlantic story is sad, but thought provoking.

Checkout: UNAFFILIATED ARTICLE ON THE NEWS STORY

It brings to my mind, another old story about a woman seeking help for her ill daughter, which suggests that even caregivers can learn from care seekers. Her daughter dying, the woman bowed down before the healer (as required by custom) and begged him to help her. His first response was, “It’s not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.”, meaning…he’s only going to heal the really sick people, and those who are in my neighborhood, so to speak. To that, she said, “Yes, but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their owners’ tables.”. Comparing herself with hungry dogs seemed to make a difference. With that, he said, “Your faith is great and it shall be done for you as you wish.” And he healed her daughter at once.

I know scripture readers might argue with my interpretation here, but my point is, even Jesus felt he was only there for certain people and she had to do a little cajoling to get what SHE BELIEVED HE COULD DO. Compassionate or convicted – either way you interpret it – the healer, healed.

But why did she have to beg first? Did he know before she even started the conversation that he was going to help her? Was he “hazing” her a little? Did she have to prove her faith in him first? Or did he have to find her “worthy” of his time? Or did the “hazing” actually show him that his “treatment” was going to work on her prepared/faithful soul? Maybe there was another way to get THAT information…

In the end, she had her daughter back, healthy and whole. I wonder how SHE felt after that conversation. Of course, she felt grateful to the healer for his work. But I wonder if SHE felt healthy and whole, too.

 

“Advocate for mental health. Work to end STIGMA of mental illness.”

 

Record Gifts for NonProfits last year

I don’t usually wait with bated breath for annual giving trends and studies. But this year was different. Many fundraisers (including me) were eager to understand how the emergence of the Trump Presidency last year may be affecting the giving landscape, particularly at the individual giving level.

Like many people, I was intrigued and delighted at the news of big giving surges that occurred in the wake of Trump’s victory. Planned Parenthood reported receiving over 80,000 donations within days of the election. The American Civil Liberties Union received $24 million in online donations in the weekend that followed the news of Trump’s proposed Muslim travel ban.

The nonprofit Meals on Wheels, which delivers food to families in need across the country, took in more than $100,000 in donations after Trump proposed federal budget cuts. Were these giving surges one-time events or a presage of an enduring phenomenon with lasting impact?

The Giving USA Report: Documenting Increases in Gifts to Nonprofits

The annual Giving USA report is the longest-running report of charitable giving in the United States. The latest report, covering the year 2016, sheds some interesting light on philanthropy trends that may continue to affect nonprofits during the Trump era.

The Giving USA study reports that for 2016, all giving rose to $390.1 billion, which is a 1.4 percent growth over 2015 (adjusted for inflation). Individual donors really helped drive giving in 2016, and continue to represent the biggest piece of the charitable giving pie (72 percent). Individual giving alone had a 3.9 percent increase over the previous year!

Meanwhile, charitable giving from foundations and corporations also increased in 2016. However, gifts by estates decreased sharply (-10 percent).

In the individual donor category, it appears that all categories of recipient organizations saw an increase in giving in 2016, meaning that giving wasn’t isolated to so-called “resistance-oriented” groups. The greatest year-over-year increases were seen in environment and animals (7.2 percent); arts, culture, and humanities (6.4 percent); and international affairs (5.8 percent). Even religious groups saw a 3 percent increase.

Towards the Democratization of Philanthropy

Numerous commentators in the nonprofit philanthropy community seized upon this growth in the individual donor category as an important bellwether of changing giving trends in the Trump era.

Ruth McCambridge writes in The Nonprofit Quarterly: “Amid great political uncertainty, and probably even because of it, people without enormous wealth gave in larger numbers than they have in the recent past. The highest increases among recipient groups were […] front and center in public and political discourse toward the end of 2016 as areas that might be targeted for policy changes and defunding by the new administration.”

McCambridge continues: “All of this should come as little surprise to nonprofits, since we already knew that volunteering and giving are relatively closely linked behaviors. Thus, the massive number of people who volunteered to show up for protests on climate policy, immigration, science, and women’s rights over the past six or seven months should have been something of a predictor of what we could expect in giving trends. That makes this an exciting moment for fundraisers and organizers […] and you get a sense of the potential of this moment.”

Quoted in that same article is Patrick M. Rooney, Ph.D., associate dean for academic affairs and research at the Lilly Family School of Philanthropy, which researched the Giving USA report.

He suggests that “we saw something of a democratization of philanthropy. The strong growth in individual giving may be less attributable to the largest of the large gifts, which were not as robust as we have seen in some prior years, suggesting that more of that growth in 2016 may have come from giving by donors among the general population compared to recent years.”

Making the Most of This New Era of Civic Engagement

Let’s return for a moment to our initial mention of Planned Parenthood, ACLU, and Meals on Wheels, who saw a literal deluge of donations from existing and new donors. Can these — and many other organizations who aren’t mentioned here — take full advantage of this opportunity to cultivate and deepen relationships with donors, volunteers, and subscribers, eager for action?

If current trends and news reports are to be believed, we are well on our way to a new era of civic engagement. Says McCambridge: “It may be time to concentrate on making the most of this period of multi-faceted activism and our very rich landscape of mobilizable human and cash capital.”

Jay Love, writing in the Bloomerang blog, concurs. He believes that “if a strong base of individual supporters can be built via top-notch relationship building, which takes time, they can be retained at well above average retention levels.” He calls for a resurgence in individual donor cultivation.

As Steve MacLaughlin notes in Huffington Post: “Nonprofits are taking more risks, engaging supporters in new ways, and using more science to aid the art of fundraising. The future of fundraising will require risk, innovation, and a drive to move beyond the status quo.”

I, for one, will be watching nonprofit innovation blossom in the Trump era as a sign that we are embracing new strategies and tactics to engage and cultivate supporters. Will you join us in support of changing the support services for college students needing mental and psychological symptoms.

10 Things your OCD will lead you to believe

Staff report—

While working on my obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) in therapy for a little over a year now, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that OCD loves to lie. Through these sneaky lies, OCD pretends to be a helpful friend who wants to keep us safe. But really, it only manipulates us into doing more and more rituals. When stressed and struggling with an obsession, I’ve found it’s helpful to identify when OCD is trying to tell a lie. Then, I’m more likely to resist doing a ritual or to fight through the discomfort of an exposure.

—> Here are 10 common lies OCD tries to tell…and why you shouldn’t believe them!

1. I have to do rituals to feel safe or keep others safe.

While most people with OCD know their fears are irrational, sometimes in a stressful moment those fears can feel true. At times like this, I try to remember the relief and feelings of safety you feel after doing a compulsion will only be temporary. Doing rituals never makes me feel safe in the long run. Delaying a ritual and sitting with the anxiety is actually what gives me feelings of safety and control.

2. I have to do rituals if I want to feel less anxious.

Because of its cyclical nature, one of the main pitfalls of OCD is that it can grow quickly. Doing a ritual decreases anxiety, which feels really good in the moment, but the relief is only temporary. When the obsession pops up again, we have to do the ritual more and more for our anxiety to go away. With every ritual we do, we continue to learn that ritual equals less anxiety, even though it doesn’t work very well. Exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP) reteaches our brain that if we don’t do a ritual, eventually our anxiety will come down on its own. With every exposure we do, our anxiety comes down faster.

3. This anxiety will last forever.

This lie can feel especially true during an exposure or panic attack, but it’s not only false — it’s impossible. All anxiety will come down eventually. It might soon go back up again, then down, then up, etc., but it will come down. I pinky promise.

4. Just do the ritual one more time. It’s better than trying to resist.

This is one of the lies OCD tells me most often: “One more time!” It’s the same lie music directors and dance teachers always told us in practice, and it’s never true. Giving into the ritual only makes the obsession grow more, which means you’ll have to do the ritual even more times.

5. My thoughts make me dangerous.
Something my therapist told me this week is, “We can’t choose what thoughts we have, but we can choose what we do.” What many people don’t realize is everyone has weird, intrusive thoughts. While most people shrug them off and go about their day, the difference is people with OCD tend to overreact to these thoughts. We feel responsible for our weird thoughts and feel like dangerous people. Because of this, we obsess about the thoughts and engage in rituals to reduce our anxiety, which accidentally makes the thoughts come more often. This lie is simply not true; thoughts are just thoughts.

6. I shouldn’t tell people about my thoughts.

When my OCD tells me my thoughts are dangerous, it also tells me to keep them a secret. We don’t want people to know all the weird thoughts we have. This only makes the thoughts stronger; we fall deeper into the obsession. It also makes it harder to get help. It’s like saying “Voldemort” — you can take some of the power away just by saying it out loud.

7. I should be able to control my thoughts.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could try really hard and just stop having intrusive thoughts? Yes, that would be nice, but I’m sorry to say that’s not the reality. Go ahead and try, I’ll wait. Tired yet? As nice as it would be to have control over our thoughts, I repeat, “We cannot choose what thoughts we have, but we can choose how we react to them.” The more we react to the thought and try to stop thinking about it, the more we think about it. The less we react to a thought and treat it as just a thought, the sooner it passes.

A common way to demonstrate this phenomenon is the pink elephant experiment. Try it yourself here!

8. There is a high probability that something bad will happen.

This is a common lie all anxiety disorders try to tell, but one I’ve tried especially hard to fight back against and test out many times. What I’ve found is usually, it’s not as bad as I expect it to be, or the bad thing doesn’t even happen at all. Quite often when I do an exposure, the anticipatory anxiety is worse than the anxiety I feel when I’m actually doing the exposure. Our brains really like to keep us safe, which means our brains really like to tell us something bad will happen, even when most of the time it doesn’t happen.

9. If something bad does happen, then I won’t be able to cope.

What about when you take the risk or do an exposure, and the bad thing does happen? I also underestimate my ability to cope with something bad. We are far more capable of coping than we usually believe.

10. I need certainty.

OCD related fears come in all shapes and sizes, but one aspect that ties them all together is an intolerance of uncertainty. Whether you check a lock multiple times or reread a page over and over, the goal is to feel certain that the feared outcome won’t happen. The only way to feel free then is to embrace uncertainty. Instead of responding to a “What if?” by ritualizing and desperately trying to achieve certainty, it’s better to respond with “Maybe…” and work on accepting the uncertainty.

~Morgan

“Smiley” Depression

Staff Reports—

 

When many people think of depression, they often think of sadness — and not much else. This generalization can be harmful to people who experience depression, but may not “look” depressed. For some, depression may look like sadness or exhaustion. For others, depression might look like a smiling face, or a person who “has it all together” — something we think of as “smiling depression.”

It’s important to remember every person’s experience of depression needs to be taken seriously, no matter what it looks like on the outside.2 We wanted to know things only people with “smiling depression” understand, so we asked members of our mental health community to weigh in.

Here’s what they shared with us:

  1. “It’s easier to cheer people up but not myself. I can make them feel great when they’re going through the worst [times], but I cannot get myself happy, really happy. That happiness you see is just a way of not letting people [see] my problems.” — Sofia V.
  2. “I am so tired. So, so tired, all of the time. It doesn’t matter if I’m sitting and pouting or smiling and engaging. [It doesn’t matter if I’m] dancing, running, swimming, eating, brushing my teeth, by myself or in a room full of people or sleeping. I. Am. Exhausted.” — Rinna M.
“Other people don’t get it. What it’s like to feel so trapped and in darkness, because I appear ‘happy’ and strong — even though [it feels like] I’m slowly dying.”
— Nicole G.
  1. “[I] fake it because [I believe] no one wants to hear about [my] depression. [I] fake it because [I am] tired of hearing all the ‘expert’ advice insinuating that [I’m] just [not] trying hard enough.” — Lisa C.
  2. “[I] don’t always wear the mask for other people. Sometimes [I] wear it because [I] don’t want to believe [I] feel as miserable as [I do]. [For me], it isn’t always about making other people with [me feel] OK. Sometimes it’s wearing the mask so [I] don’t lose [my] job or so [I] can just get takeout without being asked what’s wrong.” — Melinda A.
  3. “I can still laugh and give a big belly laugh about things, but on the inside, I feel empty. It’s a weird feeling being happy as much as you can, but your mind won’t follow suit. [I] just feel empty and the happiness isn’t genuine. It’s fake but [I] can’t change that no matter how hard [I] try for it to be a real feeling. Depression drains everything out of me. It takes an enormous amount of strength to appear ‘normal,’ it exhausts me… [My] smile doesn’t reach [my] eyes.” — Rebecca R.
  4. “The problem lies in the fact that no one truly and honestly knows me. I feel like I’m alone every day — even when I’m surrounded by people.” — Jen W.
  5. “[I] constantly doubt whether [my] struggles are real. When [I] finally get the courage and strength to open up about [my] depression, [I] always hear, ‘But you don’t act like you have depression.’ It took me years to come to terms and believe my own struggles.” — Adrianna R.
  6. “Most days, I feel like I’m just barely surviving. Once I’m alone at the end of the day, all I have the energy for is crying. Crying because I’m just so exhausted with life and I’ll convince myself I can’t handle tomorrow and I need to call in sick. But when the next day actually comes, I’m too afraid to not show up. Eventually, after debating with myself for far longer than I should, I drag myself out of bed. The cycle [feels] never-ending. It’s like, if I choose one day to just stay in bed instead of getting up, it would be the most horrible thing in the world, so I eventually always get up, no matter how exhausted I am. It’s inevitable.” — Keira H.
  7. “I try to keep up appearances to protect my family because my depression upsets them. I’m not very outwardly emotional, so everything gets to me more than I show it. I can’t open up to them, because I just get told, ‘Change your thoughts,’ ‘You seem fine, why do you want to go to a therapist?’ It makes those times when I can’t control my emotions even worse. I feel alone, tired and lost.” — Jessica C.
  8. “Sometimes I really, like really want to show people how I’m really feeling, but I just physically cannot take the mask off. It’s like the walls just grow stronger the more I try to tear them down.” — Kira H.
  9. “[I thought] if I faked being happy enough, then maybe I could get a glimpse of what it’s like to be ‘normal.’ I always feel like such a burden on the people [who] love me. [I feel] I have no choice but to pretend.” — Bree N
  10. “The time I’m most encouraging to myself is when I’m telling myself, I can make them laugh so they never suspect anything! I’m funny, right?” — Shelby S
  11. “The physical pain as well as the emotional pain. It hurts to walk, get up, move, force [myself] to smile, try to look ‘normal,’ happy.” — Keara M.
  12. “[ I believe] we are the best actors in the world. Because if I have to explain depression one more time… it’s just easier to fake it until I get home.” — Lisa K.

 

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

 

Mental Health 101

How common are mental health issues?

Studies have shown that 1 in 4 individuals globally struggle with a mental health issue at any given time. If you expand that to the course of a lifetime, the number increases to 1 in 2. That means if it’s not you who is struggling, it’s someone you know or love.

Why is it important to talk about stigma?

When discussing mental health, two main types of stigma exist. One type is external stigma, which refers to the attitudes held by society that people with mental health issues are somehow lacking, incapable, incompetent, or not worthy of dignified and equitable treatment. The other type is internal stigma, which is the attitude held by the person with mental health challenges that they are unworthy, unlovable, and unvalued.

Stigma does a lot of harm to our society. For the people struggling with a mental health challenge, they often lack hope in recovery and don’t pursue treatment because they either don’t believe they can get better or fear discrimination from others. For those who don’t struggle but hold positions of power (such as law enforcement, educators, landlords, community leaders, etc.), stigma can lead to discrimination, which is the unfair treatment of those with mental health challenges.

Having honest conversations about stigma and sharing our personal stories of recovery are small steps we each can take to making our society more equitable and inclusive.

Is recovery actually possible?

Absolutely! One of the biggest misperceptions in society is that mental health issues are a life sentence.

Recovery means many things to many people and is personal in nature. For some, recovery is the complete absence of symptoms. For others, recovery means successfully managing symptoms as a normal part of life with no disruption to daily activities. Research has shown that even for those with the most serious mental illnesses, the right treatment can have someone living an independent, fulfilling, and successful life.

Does everyone with a mental health diagnosis need medication? What alternatives to medication exist?

It’s a common thought that the only cure to a mental health diagnosis is medication and if one stops taking his or her pills, it’s all downhill from there. While medication works for some people, it is hardly a cure-all. In fact, some medications can have side effects that are more harmful than the symptoms of the mental health challenge!

Deciding to try medication is a personal decision. The good news is that it is not the only option. Research has shown that other types of therapies can be extremely effective in maintaing a person’s level of wellness, including mindfulness, talk therapy, peer support, physical activity, and visual and performing arts, to name a few.

So, do I have to share my mental health issue with the world?

Not unless you want to! Some people are very open about their mental health issues because they value transparency and/or want to be an example of recovery. Others may not feel comfortable because they fear stigma, or simply don’t want the world knowing their personal business. Some may choose to tell family and close friends, but not coworkers or acquaintances. There is no right or wrong answer. You should do what makes you comfortable. If you want to start dialogue around mental health but aren’t quite sure if you’re ready to share your experiences, you can always frame the conversation around wellness, which applies to everyone, diagnosis or not.

What should I do if someone discloses their challenge to me?

Just listen. Providing a supportive ear is the best thing you can do for someone who chooses to open up. It’s not always easy to share something so personal with another human being, so taking a genuine interest and being free of judgment can go a long way and do a lot of good.

Persuasive Speech & Insight: Stigma of MI

As most of us know firsthand the difficulties of life with mental illness, its detrimental that we  represent the mental health community in our communities.

Here is a well laid out example to get the ball rolling.

 


“The Stigma of Mental Illness”

“You don’t look like you have leukemia. I think you’re making it up to get attention.” “Well, call me when you decide to stop having arthritis.” “The cure for your epilepsy is to try harder not to have seizures. Just pull yourself together.” We wouldn’t say these things to someone with a physical illness, but people with mental illness hear such statements all the time. According to the CDC, in any given year, 1 in 4 adults in this country has a mental disorder. With numbers like these, it’s majorly important that we as a society change the way we view mental illness and treat those who live with it. The facts are clear: the stigma of mental illness is undeniable. Let’s first discuss what mental illness stigma is, then some reasons why it is harmful, and lastly what you can do to fight it.

So what exactly is stigma? Stigma shows up in different forms. The President’s New Freedom Commission on Mental Health defines stigma as “a cluster of negative attitudes and beliefs that motivate the general public to fear, reject, avoid, and discriminate against people with mental illnesses.” So, stigma begins in our minds. It happens when we believe myths and popular media portrayals of mental illness, such as, “All people with mental illness are violent,” and we start to put those with mental illness in a box. We assign labels and see them as different from us. And the moment we start to see someone or something as “different”, it sets the stage for wrongful treatment to occur. Think of racism or sexism. Stigma is no different, although we don’t consider it a blatant social taboo in that sense. And like those forms of prejudice, stigma manifests itself outwardly—in both subtle and overt discrimination. Let’s talk about the harm this causes—both for the person with mental illness and for society at large.

First, stigma harms the individual with mental illness. The CDC reports that only 20% of adults with a mental disorder saw a mental health provider in the past year, and the shame and embarrassment associated with getting help is a major barrier. We have created a society where people don’t want others to find out about their “issues”, and for this reason alone, many avoid seeking treatment. Instead, they may turn to dangerous coping methods such as smoking, binge eating or drinking, which raises their risk for chronic disease and early death. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, those living with serious mental illness die an average of 25 years earlier than the general public—largely due to treatable conditions. On a broader level, stigma harms society. Discrimination against people with mental illness leads to unequal access to housing, health care, employment, education, and community support, and this leads to unemployment, homelessness, and poverty. Serious mental illness costs America over $190 billion in lost earnings per year. At the highest level, stigma influences policymaking. For example, stigma shaped the creation of the Medicaid law, limiting the funds used for treating mental illness but not physical illness. Such things make it difficult to access services for those who do seek help. The June 25, 2014 issue of USA Today tells the story of Laura Pogliano, whose 22-year-old son has schizophrenia. She lost her home after she chose to pay her son’s $250,000 hospital bills instead of her mortgage because his care was not covered by insurance. With all these barriers, is it any wonder that on average, people with mental illness wait nearly a decade after their symptoms first appear to receive treatment?

So, what can you do about this problem? A lot. You see, stigma is something we create, which means it is also something we can reverse. First, you can educate yourself about mental illness. It’s as simple as doing a Google search. Learn the truth about these diseases so you can recognize myths and misconceptions when you hear them and point out, “Hey, that’s not true.” Education also gives you the awareness necessary to change the way you speak. Don’t toss around terms like “crazy”, “lunatic”, or “the mentally ill”. Also, don’t say things like, “He’s bipolar,” or “She’s an anorexic.” A person is not their illness. Instead, say, “She has anorexia,” or “a person with bipolar disorder”. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, or SAMHSA, calls this “people-first language”. I encourage you to take it a step further, and actually talk about mental illness. According to Patrick Corrigan, psychology professor at Illinois Institute of Technology, “Research shows that the most promising way to dispel stereotypes is to meet someone with mental illness face-to-face.” That’s why I tell my story.

My name is Mei. I’m twenty years old. I love reading, writing, art, psychology, and watching The Big Bang Theory. I dream of being a social worker, falling in love, and traveling the world. And— I live with depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and an eating disorder. I found that I’d internalized the stigma of mental illness so much that I’d ask people, “Do you still want to be my friend?” I realized I was almost expecting people to judge me as being “mental” or “unstable” and consequently not want to have a relationship with me. And I thought, “What is so wrong with our society that I feel I have to ask this question? If I had, say, asthma, or chronic migraines, would I still feel I’d have to ask, “Now that you know I have this condition, do you still want to be my friend?”? That leads to my third point, which is simply, be a friend. SAMHSA emphasizes the importance of positive relationships and social connections for mental illness recovery. The handout I’ve given you today lists some things you can do to help someone with a mental illness. Because mental illness is so widespread, I guarantee you that right now, you have someone in your life who needs this.

Today we talked about three aspects of mental illness stigma—what it is, why it hurts everyone, and what we can do about it. Friends, do you realize that you have the ability to create a world where someone like me, who lives with mental illness, can expect the same level of support and care as someone who has a physical illness? Maybe you can’t change the attitudes of everyone in the country, but you can choose how YOU act. You can be that caring and nonjudgmental friend someone needs. You can speak up and say, “We shouldn’t be ashamed to talk about this.” I’m doing it. Will you do the same?

Just think:

  • What common myth/stereotype irks/infuriates you? (For me, the popular “default” image of someone with mental illness as a filthy, disheveled man or woman with violent tendencies, rambling incoherently as they wander the streets. Yes, some people with mental illness do fit this stereotype, but most of us appear “normal”, people at whom you wouldn’t glance twice.)
  • What aspect of mental health would you like to see addressed more publicly? (For me, I’d like to see more people talking about PTSD as a result of traumas other than combat. For instance, did you know that children in foster care suffer higher rates of PTSD than veterans?)

By Meiyi Kiyoko Angel Wong Founder of, fighting for mei. Used with permission. All Rights Reserved.

Self-Help QUOTES

Self-Help Quotes

Insightful Quotes on Self-Help

#1 and most importantly; “Don’t feel guilty for doing what is best for you.”

Self-improvement quote – What ever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.
Quote about self-help – What ever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Self-help quote – If you stumble, make it part of the dance.
Self-improvement quote – The moment when you want to quit, is the moment when you need to keep pushing.
Quote about self-help – What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
Self-help quote – There is a season for everything under the sun-even when we can’t see the sun.
Self-improvement quote – A happy soul is the best shield for a cruel world.
Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground
Self-help quote – It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.
Self-improvement quote – Remember to be proud of yourself. No victory is too small to celebrate.
Quote about self-help: “At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart or what’s holding you together.
Self-help quote – Difficult roads often lead to be beautiful destinations.”
Self-improvement quote – Don’t stumble over something behind you.
Quote about self-help – The greatest power you can give someone is to say, ‘I believe in you’.
Self-help quote – Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.
Quote about self-help – It’s okay to be afraid of failing, you just can’t let it stop you from trying.
Self-improvement quote – Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.
Self-help quote – Believe in your dreams. They were given to you for a reason.
Quote about self-help – Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Self-improvement quote – We’d achieve more if we chased our dreams instead of our competition.
Self-help quote – Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities, you can’t begin to explore your possibilities.
Quote about self-help – Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported.
Self-improvement quote – Big things often have small beginnings.
Self-help quote – If you are not willing to risk the usual you will have to settle for the ordinary.
Quote about self-help – The future depends on what you do today.
Self-improvement quote – You can’t change the ocean or the weather, no matter how hard you try, so it’s best to learn how to sail in all conditions.
Self-help quote – Closed doors, rejections. They do not decide your fate, they simply redirect your course, you must keep moving because life’s detours can also be meaningful.
Quote about self-help – It might be stormy right now, but it can’t rain forever.
Self-improvement quote – Close your eyes and imagine the best version of you possible. That’s who you really are, let go of any part of you that doesn’t believe it.
Self-help quote – Nothing is permanent in this world. Not even our troubles.
Quote about self-help – We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.
Self-improvement quote – Letting toxic people go in not an act of cruelty. It’s an act of self-care.
Self-help quote – A tiny step of courage is always a good place to start.
Quote about self-help – Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
Self-improvement quote – Be thankful for what you are now and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow.
Self-help quote – You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you chooose to be around.
Quote about self-help – What you tell yourself everyday will either lift you up on tears you down.
Self-improvement quote – The only way you are going to experience the beauty of life is to stop obsessing about what’s wrong with it.
Self-help quote – Remember even your worst days only have 24 hours.

Quotes on Depression

Depression quotes and sayings about depression can provide insight into what it’s like living with depression as well as inspiration and a feeling of “someone gets it.” These quotes on depression and depression sayings deal with different aspects of the illness such as grief, sadness, loneliness and other related issues. Feel free to share them on your website, blog or social page for your own enjoyment or to help others.

Quote on depression: “I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.”

Depression quote: “Depression is melancholy minus its charms.”

Quote on depression: “I thought by masking the depression with silence, the feelings might disappear.”

Depression quote: “That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.”

Quote on depression: “I want to sleep until I feel better.”

Depression quote: “Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there’s nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.”

Quote on depression: “I am sad all the time and the sadness is so heavy that I can’t get away from it.”

Depression quote: “I feel so disconnected from the world, and I feel like no one even notices me or cares about me anymore.”

Quote on depression: “They ask. “How are you doing?” But what they mean is “Are you over it yet?” My lips say, “Fine, thanks”, but my eyes tell a different story, my heart sings a different tune, and my soul just weeps.”

Depression quote: “It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness.”

Quote on depression: “Somehow, like so many people who get depressed, we felt our depressions were more complicated and existentially based than they actually were.”

Depression quote: “It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness.”

Quote on depression: “Anger, resentment and jealousy doen’t change the heart of others-it only changes yours.”

Quote on depression: “You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective – it just means you’re human.”

Depression quote: “There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”

Quote on depression: “Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”

Depression quote: “Depression isn’t just being a bit sad. It’s feeling nothing. It’s not wanting to be alive anymore.”

Quote on depression: “And I knew it was bad when I woke up in the mornings and the only thing I looked forward to was going back to bed.”

Depression quote: “The only thing more exhausting than being depressed is pretending that you’re not.”

Quote on depression: “It’s not the feeling of completeness I need, but the feeling of not being empty.”

Depression quote: “Depression has nothing to do with having a bad day or being sad.”

Quote on depression: “She was drowning, but nobody saw her struggle”

Depression quote: “My silence is just another word for my pain.”

Quote on depression: “Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be happy with myself. I worry that if I can’t be happy with myself, then nobody will ever be happy with me”

Depression quote: “Sometimes I get so sad. So sad that I completely shut down. I stare blankly at the wall and it doesn’t matter what you say to me. Because in that moment. I don’t exist.”

Quote on depression: “I miss the person I used to be”

Depression quote: “When a depressed person shrinks away from your touch it does not mean she is rejecting you. Rather she is protecting you from the foul, destructive evil which she believes is the essence of her being and which she believes can injure you.”

Quote on depression: “My life is just one constant battle between wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely.”

Depression quote: “That feeling when you’re not necessarily sad, but you just feel really empty.”

Quote on depression: “I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.”

Depression quote: “It’s not always the tears that measure the pain. Sometimes it’s the smile we fake.”

Quote on depression: “I want to be happy but something inside me screams that I do not deserve it.”

Depression quote: “I can’t describe what I’m feeling. I’m not happy, and I know that. But I’m also not exactly sad either. I’m just caught right in between all these emotions and I feel so empty.”

Quote on depression: “I want to be happy but something inside me screams that I do not deserve it.”

Depression quote: “The worst kind of pain is when you’re smiling just to stop the tears for falling.”

Quote on depression: “Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, with a mind that tries to die.”

Depression quote: “It’s a bit like walking down a long, dark corridor, never knowing when the light will go on.”

Quote on depression: “Depression is feeling like you’re lost something but having no clue when or where you last had it. Then one day you realize what you lost is yourself.”

Depression quote: “Sometimes just the thought of facing the day, feels like broken glass in my soul.”

Quote on depression: “Saying “I’m tired” when you’re actually sad.”

Depression quote: “Depression is the overwhelming sense of numbness and the desire for anything that can help you make it from one day to the next.”

Quote on depression: “People think depression is sadness, crying or dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again.”

Depression quote: “I’m the type of girl who smiles to make everyone’s day. Even though I’m dying on the inside.”

Quote on depression: “I am not living. I am surviving.”

Depression quote: “I hate this feeling. Like I’m here, but I’m not. Like someone cares. But they don’t. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here.”

Quote on depression: “Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you’re not as terrible as yo u think you are.”

Depression quote: “I feel lost inside of myself.”

Quote on depression: “You sometimes think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found.”

Depression quote: “I wish I could go back to a time when I could smile and it didn’t take everything in me to do it.”

Quote on depression: “Why does everything always feel worse at night.”

Depression quote: “I define depression as a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy about how you wish your life would be.”

Quote on depression: “Depression makes you isolated. It’s very hard to think of other people when you’re wrapped in a prickly blanket of sadness and all you can think about is your own pain.”

Depression quote: “I’m not sure if I’m depressed. I mean, I’m not sad, but I’m not exactly happy either. I can laugh and joke and smile during the day, but sometimes when I’m alone at night I forget how to feel.”

Quote on depression: “The worst kind of sad is not being able to explain why.”

Depression quote: “Crying is how your heart speaks, when your lips can’t explain the pain you feel.”

Quote on depression: “You hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong girl. At the same time, though, you hate how nobody notices how torn apart and broken you are.”

Depression quote: “She says she’s fine but she’s going insane. She says she feels good but she’s in a lot of pain. She says it’s nothing but it’s really a lot. she says she’s okay. but really she’s not.”

Quote on depression: “It’s hard to answer the question “What’s wrong?” when nothing’s right.”

Depression quote: “That feeling when you’re not necessarily sad, but you just feel really empty.”

Quote on depression: “And then suddenly I became sad for no reason at all.”

Depression quote: “That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.”

Quote on depression: “When you have depression simply existing is a full time job.”

Depression quote: “Depression is a prison where you are both the suffering prisoner and the cruel jailer.”

Quote on depression: “When you are happy, you enjoy the music. but when you are sad, you understand the lyrics.”

Depression quote: “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

Quote on depression: “Sometimes, what a person needs is not a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.”

Depression quote: “Every day begins with an act of courage and hope: getting out of bed.”

Quote on depression: “Depression is a flaw in chemistry not character.”

Depression quote: “There’s nothing more depressing than having it all and still feeling sad.”

Quote on depression: “It’s really sad how one day I’ll seem to have everything going right then the next day I’ll lose everything so fast.”

Depression quote: “Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.”

Quote on depression: “Depression is like a bruise that never goes away. A bruise in your mind.”

Depression quote: “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”

Quote on depression: “Grief is depression in proportion to circumstance; depression is grief out of proportion to circumstance.”

Depression quote: “People don’t die from suicide, they die from sadness.”

Quote on depression: “She hurts and she cries. But you can’t see the depression in her eyes. Because she just smiles…”

Depression quote: “Depression and I are old friends but I do not court his company.”

Quote on depression: “In a strange way, I had fallen in love with my depression.”

Depression quote:”Sometimes i’m sad and tired and miserable for not reason at all.”

Quote on depression: “What is depression like? It’s like drowning. Except you can see everyone around you breathing.”

Depression quote:”I wish I could go back to a time when i could smile and it didn’t take everything in me to do it”

Quote on depression: “I am living in a nightmare, from which from time to time I wake in sleep.”

Depression quote:”My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known—no wonder, then, that I return the love.”

Quote on depression: “So you try to think of someone else you’re mad at, and the unavoidable answer pops into your little warped brain: everyone.”

Depression quote: “Because wherever I sat—on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok—I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.”

Quote on depression: “I don’t want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.”

Depression quote: “That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful”

Quote on depression: “It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. Iwoke up in to a nightmare.”

Depression quote: “Every man has his secret sorrows wich the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”

Quote on depression: “I’ll never forget how the depression and loneliness felt good and bad at the same time. Still does.”

Depression quote: “When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be even lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don’t feel like you can trust anybody or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.”

Insightful quote on depression: “When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”

Depression quote: “During depression the world disappears. Language itself. One has nothing to say. Nothing. No small talk, no anecdotes. Nothing can be risked on the board of talk. Because the inner voice is so urgent in its own discourse: How shall I live? How shall I manage the future? Why should I go on?”

Depression quote: “The teacher wonders but she doesn’t ask, it´s hard to see the pain behind the mas. Bearing the burden of a secret storm. sometimes she wishes she was never born.”

Insightful quote on depression: “All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot!”

Quote on depression: “The same girl who smiles and talks non-stop, is the same one who cries herself to sleep at night.”

Depression quote: “Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”

Quote on depression by Rebecca Wells: “Can you reclaim that free-girl smile, or is it like virginity- once you loose it, that’s it?”

Insightful quote on depression: “Maybe she laughs and maybe she cries, and maybe you would be surprised at everything she keeps inside.”

Depression quote: “When I cry about one thing, I end up crying about everything that’s messed up in my life.”

Insightful quote on depression and pain: “I wish it would rain all day, maybe that would make the pain go away.”

Quote on depression by Douglas Adams: “I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed.”

Depression quote: “Work is always an antidote to depression.”

Insightful quote on depression: “I don’t want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.”

Quote on depression: “I don’t want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can’t even see it, something that’s drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.”

Quote on depression by Elizabeth Wurtzel: “That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.”

College Mental Health Crisis

STAFF REPORT—

When I look back at college, I can say with utter certainty that “these were among the best days of my life.”

I was “independent” and “free” (both words I enjoyed using) and I considered myself unfettered by parental monitoring.

I forged new relationships.

I stayed out late.

I had meaningful and existentially provocative conversations with classmates.

I fell in love.

What’s not to like?

Ironically, it turns out that these very features of college – the unfettered independence and developmental exploration that I relished – can make college great for some young people, and at the same time can make college absolutely miserable for others.

When I was in college, there wasn’t much room for the miserable part.  Universities acted like the emotional hardships of being away from home were unusual and rare and administrations largely ignored these issues.

Today, things have definitely changed.

Colleges acknowledge that students experience profound emotional struggles, but colleges have remained largely ill-equipped to help these students.

Let’s look at the good, the bad and the ugly of the college mental health universe.

The Good

There are more opportunities for developmental growth than ever before. Colleges actively recognize the immense variety of ways that young people come of age. There are academic and extra-curricular offerings for people to explore who they are and what values they hold dear. This is especially the case for special programs designed to support women and minorities, programs that we never dreamed would occur as recently as 20 years ago.

The Bad

We’re also seeing increasing drop-out rates, more powerful distractions from the online world, and greater academic and social expectations for students.  Add to this the ever-growing financial challenges for students and parents and the decreased certainty of finding a job, and we have the cliché of the “perfect storm” for the emotional stress of higher education.

The Ugly

As we said above, despite great strides, colleges remain largely ill equipped to negotiate these complex psychosocial waters.

As students in the United States head back to college for the winter term, we’d like to address some of the greatest psychological challenges facing universities and their students. This week we’re going to tackle the most disturbing and unsettling issue in college mental health – the possibility of deliberate self-harm and even suicide among university students.

We don’t want to be too alarmist.  Although suicide attempts on college campuses do appear to be increasing, it is not the case that simply being in college means that someone will more likely consider suicide.  However, because many psychiatric illnesses have their natural onset among college-aged individuals, students are at higher risks when these illnesses coincide with the college-related stressors we’ve outlined above.

Consider these statistics:

  • There are more than 1,000 suicides on college campuses each year – That’s 2-3 deaths by suicide every day
  • Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college-age students
  • More than half of college students have had suicidal thoughts, and 1 in 10 students seriously consider attempting suicide
  • Most importantly: 80-90% of college students who die by suicide were not receiving help from college counseling centers

These are of course alarming statistics. Some have even called this a crisis.  The most important question to ask, therefore, is this:

What can we do to improve the situation?

To answer this question, let’s start by looking at what we know about college suicide.

Attempts at suicide and death by suicide are most common in college students who:

  • Are depressed
  • Are either under the influence of substances, or have a substance use problem
  • Have made a previous attempt
  • Have a family history of a mood disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder
  • Are struggling with a history of trauma

We also know that students often tell others when they’re emotionally struggling, and that teachers, peers and resident assistants are more adept at recognizing emotional distress among struggling students.

Nevertheless, suicidal students often feel helpless, hopeless, and trapped. Some of these students resist seeking help because they’re ashamed.  They might fear a “black mark” on their record or being judged by others.  Even if they don’t have these concerns, they often don’t know what services are available.

Obviously, this is a complex and multi-faceted issue.  We won’t be able to rectify this trend overnight.  But there are steps we can take to ameliorate the risks.  These include:

1.  Establish new educational platforms about depression and suicide.  Key to prevention and early intervention is education about mood disorders and suicide risk.  Some educational initiatives include live and online modules that can be used in a wide range of forums on campus – from dorms to the classroom to campus-wide events. These modules are not just for students; parents and faculty benefit as well.  We also need to be more creative in our educational approaches. For example, a film series on depression and suicide followed by discussion groups could be an incredibly powerful way to educate the community.  There are a number of very informative online sites that can serve as adjuncts to these educational efforts.  Chief among these are Griffin Ambitions, the American Foundation for the Prevention of Suicide and the Jed Foundation.  Another important component includes making students aware of what they can and should do if they are worried about a friend or fellow student. In fact, everyone on campus needs to know where to go and what to do when there are safety concerns.  Each college campus should have a user-friendly website or app that features a clear description of the risk factors for suicide and self harm and explicit advice about how to approach a student about whom there are question

2.  Increase access to mental health services.  Every member of the university community as well as parents and family should know how to seek help on and off campus.  A college website can house all the needed information about these services, including information about clinicians and the nature and coverage provided by insurance.  This information should also include clear directions about how to access the best emergency departments either on campus or in local hospitals if serious concerns are warranted

3.  Support community forums.  Most students struggling with a mental illness or emotional crisis feel alone and frightened.  Study after study tells us that we feel better and safer with social supports.  Providing community forums on a regular basis, and throughout the campus, sends a key message: You are not alone, and something can be done about your suffering.

4.  Foster peer counseling.  Depressed and suicidal students are often more likely to talk with friends than parents, teachers or advisors.  We have seen this demonstrated in the success of the programs like AA for substance use disorders and in support groups for all sorts of emotional and behavioral difficulties.  Organizations such Active Minds, tailored to college students, have been highly effective in the mission of peer counseling.

5.  Decrease the stigma of mental illness.  Perhaps the greatest barrier to seeking help is the fear of being judged or ridiculed. Many individuals still do not believe that depression and mood disorders are illnesses and feel that suicide is a sign of deep personal weakness.  Colleges need to take the lead in dispelling these false beliefs. Treatments for depression are effective, and the entire college community needs to be aware of this fact.

6.  Promote means for increasing student wellbeing.  Depression is often prevented by a number of activities – regular exercise, good sleep habits, substance use awareness programs, group discussions, cognitive behavioral techniques, expressive arts, and discussion groups have all proven helpful. These activities should be encouraged and fostered on college campuses.

Because each college is unique, colleges must tailor these initiatives to their own circumstances, but the benefits of taking action cannot be underestimated.  Colleges can literally save lives. They just have to act.

This blog was originally posted on The Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital and includes a podcast reviewing the college mental health crisis.

For additional information please see:

From the Clay Center

When Kids Leave Home: Part 1

When Kids Leave Home: Part 2

Examples of college webpages:

Counseling & Psychological Services – University of Pennsylvania

Mental Health and Well-Being – Cornell University

Dear Teachers & Professors,

An open letter to those in education

Dear teacher(s)  professor(s),

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

I am a person living with mental illness. Odds are, I’m not the only person in your life who faces this — whether you know it or not. Your knowledge about mental illness may be limited to what the media says, or what society says. With the alarming amount of college students with mental illness these days, I would hope you’ve educated yourself on this topic.

I am a person living with mental illness. I’m also a good student. Yes, I may have missed class, not participated in a discussion or turned something in late, but if that’s all you see then you’re not seeing the whole picture. I’m not asking for excuses or looking for a way to get out of assignments or rules. I would love to be able to adhere to everything without a problem. But I can’t. I have a disability, and even the department that provides accommodations for disabilities doesn’t help much. Aside from the scars on my body and physical symptoms of panic attacks, my illnesses are invisible.

When I don’t come to class, you may see a student who is lazy or didn’t feel like coming. But what you don’t see is the restless night I had tossing and turning with my insomnia. You don’t see the black mass encompassing my entire being some days. You don’t see the fight in my mind between staying alive or giving up. I’m not just lazy. It’s not because I didn’t finish the homework. I wasn’t in class because I couldn’t get out of bed today. I could not face the light of day because my depression had chained me to the darkness of my room.

I had a teacher tell me once it wouldn’t be fair to the people who always made it to class if my absences didn’t affect my grade. At the time, I understood. But looking back now, I realize that makes no sense. Accommodations exist for people with disabilities for a reason. By “understanding” but still penalizing me for something caused by my mental illness, you are keeping me at a disadvantage. It’s not fair to expect I be on par with other students who don’t have the added obstacle of an illness. I promise I’m giving it my all. I’m balancing my recovery and my education at the same time, and I shouldn’t feel like I have to choose. I shouldn’t feel like I can’t do both.

I’m not asking you to never expect me in class or constantly give me extensions. I’m not saying to just let it slide. I’m asking you to be empathetic, understand that I’m a student facing an illness and help me succeed. I’m asking you to not give me a low grade solely because my mental illness prevented me from having a perfect attendance. I’m asking that you look at me as a whole person. I’m asking that you care, and if you can, that you advocate for students like me. I’m a person living with mental illness, and there are so many of us who need your understanding.

-JACOB M. GRIFFIN
BALL STATE UNIVERSITY
FOUNDER OF GRIFFIN AMBITIONS LIMITED, A HOOSIER BASED 501c/3 NON-PROFIT
FOUNDER OF ACTIVE MINDS AT BALL STATE UNIVERSITY